


I'm not lost, I'm right where I am! (Though, where I am might be lost)

by May Greene (btsmee)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A collection of short drabbles, Any applicable warnings will be included in the notes of the given drabble, Domestic, Established Relationship, Except with a Chanyeol thrown into the mix, Fluff, Honestly - Kyungsoo is me, Humor, M/M, Most of these are based on my own real life happenings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:27:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btsmee/pseuds/May%20Greene
Summary: A collection of drabbles centered around Do Kyungsoo, all set in the same universe.





	1. Starving Author

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, there is no plot (NONE AT ALL. If you start seeing plot, it's not on purpose. Its just me revealing more about their life as my life happens to me and therefore I shove experiences on Kyungsoo). Its just a drabble collection and Chansoo are domestic and cute and married but you also get glimpses of their college life and stuff from before they were in a relationship. I actually began writing these because I had writers block and so I let Kyungsoo become me but  _better_  and with a cute Chanyeol thrown into the mix. Its fun and a bit pointless and generally based off my own life, but I hope you enjoy it!  
> Oh and the title is a Winnie the Pooh quote. It is very literally me. And so are these drabbles, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo helped me work out some writers block.

Kyungsoo had wanted to write. Desperately so. It had been months since he last posted anything, and his fingers had itched to grab a pen and his old notebook and just let all his pent up ideas _flow_.

So he tried. He made himself a smoothy, unearthed his writing materials, and settled into the welcoming embrace of his bed, a pillow tucked behind him for support. Fingers nearly trembling from excitement, he opened the black, leather clad notebook, his breath catching in his throat from anticipation. Slowly slipping past pages already overflowing with dark ink, he kept turning until he found a fresh one, the creamy page blank and inviting. He finally brought his pen to the page and… realized his mind was as empty of ideas as the paper staring back at him.

He glared down at it for a while before grudgingly acknowledging that the page itself would spark no creativity. Sighing, he gently placed the pen down in the crook between pages, and shifted his legs off the bed, slipping his feet into the slippers waiting there.

It shouldn’t be this hard. There had been prompts he had been contemplating, characters he had wanted to flesh out, and yet… and yet when he went to write them, none of those seemed interesting. He didn’t care for a single one.

He padded silently into the kitchen, brow furrowed in frustration, and snagged some leftovers from the fridge. Perhaps he just needed more time to prepare, perhaps he needed to find something else to inspire him. A movie? A walk outside? A game? Music?

Ah. Music.

Kyungsoo wandered into another part of the house, pushing open the door adjacent to his own office. Music. Kyungsoo could sing, but here he found the real musician, hunched over some piece that he probably couldn’t seem to get quite right.

Kyungsoo watched Chanyeol work for a minute, eyes following the strong curve of his shoulders, down the long lines of his back before flicking back to his elegant fingers tapping some unfamiliar rhythm as he concentrated. Kyungsoo wanted to reach over and grab those hands, kiss them, but he knew better than to interrupt in such a way. Chanyeol would pull off his headphones and come back to the world when he was ready, and Kyungsoo had learned long ago that it was best not to disturb the creative process when the other was working. Kyungsoo himself was the same, after all.

After a minute of watching his husband from the doorway, Kyungsoo quietly closed it once more and wandered back to bed, where his notebook still lay open and waiting for him. He stared at it, mulling over an idea for a moment before settling in once more and taking up his pen. This time, the words seemed to flow effortlessly.

“It was something in the broad slope of his shoulders, in his towering height and long fingers - something he couldn’t explain. The way the man’s laughter could fill up the room, but also the way he almost seemed to disappear when he became absorbed in his own world, his incessant tapping the only noise to fill his silence as he worked… there was just something about the other man, and his heart never failed to clench at the thought of him.

He hated him for it.”

Kyungsoo grinned. Chanyeol was going to get a kick out of this one.


	2. Satan Incarnate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo should probably get some sleep.

He saw it moving at the edge of his vision, dark and small, but when he glanced left the only thing in sight was the lump of white comforter under which Chanyeol was gently snoring. Kyungsoo frowned. Maybe it was just one of those spots you get from things like lack of sleep. It  _ was _ 7 a.m. and he had yet to shut his eyes for the night. The story he was reading was just so  _ good _ , and besides, he could afford to sleep the day away, it was set aside for relaxing anyway. 

He turned back to his laptop, black spot decidedly forgotten. The main character had just discovered their powers, their form changing into it’s original shape when... Goddamnit, there it was again, creeping right at the corner of his vision. He frowned. Kyungsoo  _ knew _ he wasn’t imagining it, but once again, it was gone when he turned. He let out a frustrated sigh. 

He didn’t believe in any ridiculous supernatural stuff, but he also couldn’t explain what it was he was  _ seeing _ . Perhaps it was time to go to sleep. 

Just one more chapter, he decided, settling in once more.  _ Then  _ he would finally get some rest, and hopefully stop being haunted by this damn spot. Also, he really wanted to see what kind of powers the kid would have. What would he specialize in? War? The Earth? Animals? Oh god, he could hardly wait, though he suspected he knew what it would be, if that little outburst earlier on in the story had been anything to go by...

He was inexplicably pissed when he saw it there again. It was like it was  _ taunting  _ him, swirling around just where he couldn’t quite see it properly. As if that little black dot was trying to get under his skin. It was  _ mocking  _ him. He had had way too little sleep for this shit at ass o’clock in the morning. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and when he opened them again, it was gone. He was fucking  _ done _ . The next time that damn spot dared to show it’s face again, he was going to be so damn ready for it. 

He kept reading (oh god, he was  _ right _ . This kid was freaking glorious. He was going to leave a glowing comment on this one for sure).

Kyungsoo’s head snapped up the moment he caught something moving at the corner of his eye, and he  _ saw _ . It tried to scurry away, but it was far too late to escape his wrath. It’s bulbous black body, it’s tiny, grotesque legs and wings. His hand slapped down on the fly before it could escape, crying out triumphantly as he did. The body beneath his hand shifted, however, and he instantly realized his mistake.

“Fucking-” Chanyeol’s voice came out groggy, clearly disoriented and upset with being smacked awake. “Wha’ the hell?”

“Shh, nothing sweetie. Your phone just fell from where you left it when you fell asleep.”

“Wha- oh… mmmkay. Night” Chanyeol rolled over and continued snoring lightly a moment later. Kyungsoo thanked his lucky stars that Chanyeol was always too disoriented when he woke up to realize how ridiculous that excuse had been - Chanyeol  _ always _ leaves his phone charging on the bedside table at night, and besides, where the hell would it have fallen from?

Kyungsoo decided he didn’t care and it was about time to go to sleep himself - the story could wait. Except… maybe… maybe just one more chapter. He had eliminated Satan incarnate already, so... why not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll never guess what time it was when I wrote this. Haaaaaa.


	3. May in January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So January was supposed to be the month where we inserted ourselves into one of our stories (not just someone who was similar to us, but like Me. May. True to who I am), and I decided to do that here (because Kyungsoo writes anyway and so I just became a part of that). 
> 
> It's a little messy and unbetaed (I wrote it pretty quickly), but here you go:

“She was procrastinating - hard - but she couldn’t bring herself to stop. It was just so easy to validate putting off the work she needed to do and instead write. She had already been so productive today, had made a list and checked off almost all the items already, and besides, she had been wanting to write for _weeks_. She could never seem to find time, between university and her part time job.

May sometimes (read: often) envied her older friends. They already had a careers and spouses and their own houses. May, on the other hand, was still in university, and had absolutely no idea what she was going to do with the rest of her life. Everyone always tried to reassure her that her degree basically guaranteed her a job after university, but she wasn’t even sure she _wanted_ to be an engineer. She was pretty determined to at least go teach English in Japan for a year after college before making any more serious life decisions.

But for now, before work or school or her career… she would write. Well, perhaps that’s making it seem much bigger than it is. She would probably write for another half hour and then get back to her homework.”

Kyungsoo shifted in front of his keyboard, rolling his eyes. This was messy. He had no idea what he was writing about.

“Chanyeol!” he called over his shoulder, cracking his neck and sighing. He had been sitting still for way too long.

“Huh?” Chanyeol asked, padding into the room, munching on a bowl of cereal. Kyungsoo eyed it thoughtfully, gauging his own hunger. Pretty low. He would wait another few hours.

“I started writing about some random girl named May. She’s an engineering student in university, but I have no idea what to do with her.” Kyungsoo shrugged. “Any ideas?”

Chanyeol grinned and bounced forward, nearly spilling his cereal. “Oh! I get to help? Uhm, uhm. Does she have a best friend? Every college story has to have the wild best friend. You can’t leave that out.” He paused, then gasped, “Unless this is gonna be angsty and she has no friends. But she’s already an engineer, that seems depressing enough. And she’s a chick in engineering. That’s even worse. Oh my goodness Kyungsoo, you better give her a wild best friend.” Chanyeol looked down at him with wide eyes and concern written all over his features. Kyungsoo snorted.

“Well you got invested fast. Sure, I’ll give her a best friend. But what’s the point of this? Should I keep it short? I had no plans when I started this.”

Kyungsoo read Chanyeol what he had already written, and the latter plopped down onto the edge of the bed, thinking.

“Well… you could make her smart but someone who struggles with some undiagnosed disorder, and then part of the story is her finally finding out and getting help, and then things get better. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t like engineering - she’s struggling a lot because of whatever it is, and resents engineering because of it. Or - you said she likes to write, right? Maybe she writes fanfiction. That’s pretty common with college students. Maybe the wild friend is her beta for her smut.” Chanyeol winked, and Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose, shaking his head disapprovingly before the former continued on. “Okay, the best friend should have an accent - accents are cool - and she should also be an engineer. May could be shy or something, but then with the bestie she gets kinda loud. Oh, you should definitely have her write fanfiction. Fangirls are loud as fuck.”

Kyungsoo listened on as Chanyeol continued to spew ideas about what kinds of trouble a girl in engineering could get into (especially with the wild best friend), and couldn’t help the fond smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Chanyeol tended to flap his arms around a lot when talking, gesturing wildly (and dangerously, with that bowl of cereal forgotten in his lap), and he was getting surprisingly animated about this idea.

Kyungsoo supposed it made sense. Chanyeol had always taken an interest in his writing, but Kyungsoo had mostly assumed it was curiosity and his desire to support his husband, not really because he cared much for the writing process. But Chanyeol created things himself - music - so he supposed it wasn’t too much of a leap for him to take interest in another form of art. Besides, he did enjoy reading.

Apparently he could also spin quite a story. Chanyeol kept going, describing an entire backstory for May, and Kyungsoo had no idea where all this was coming from. She suddenly had a huge family and a tragic history involving divorced parents, and then a series of boyfriends, and then future arcs involving traveling abroad, unrequited love, character development and adjusting to medication for her disorder that Chanyeol had set his heart on her having. He kept going on and on, and Kyungsoo simply nodded here and there, breath catching at some of the sadder bits, and nearly laughing at a few of the funnier ideas.

“-and then it all culminates in her finally setting off for Japan like she had always dreamed about, uncertain but excited about her future. No boyfriend to tie her down, no job already set in stone…” Chanyeol trailed off, breathing a bit heavily from his long brainstorm, but a broad smile adorning his features. Kyungsoo was impressed - that had been weirdly indepth and strangely well thought out and put together.

“Chanyeol… have you ever considered writing?” Kyungsoo began, speaking slowly and raising an eyebrow. “Because it sounds like you already have a novel planned.” Seeing the defensive look on Chanyeol’s face at that, Kyungsoo quickly backpedaled. “And I actually mean that, I’m not teasing you.”

Chanyeol huffed, then looked down into his bowl of cereal, stirring it uncertainly.

“I’m no good at writing, trust me. But, I do like to think of stories. Sometimes I imagine up entire backstories for the music I write. Like, with characters and stuff,” Chanyeol shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. “I don’t know, it makes things more interesting that way.”

Kyungsoo considered him carefully for a moment, unsure what to make of this. They were married - had been together for years now - and he wasn’t sure how this could possibly have never come up before. Kyungsoo was a _writer_ for pete’s sake.

“Chanyeol…That’s literally one of the best things I’ve ever heard and I don’t know why you’ve never told me, but I’m going to make out with your face now because you definitely just upped your attractiveness by at least ten percent.” Kyungsoo grabbed the bowl from Chanyeol’s lap, setting it on the nightstand, and took it’s place, wrapping his arms around the latter’s neck. He snorted at the affronted look on Chanyeol’s place.

“What? That should be at least a twenty percent increase. I just revealed - and discovered because I didn’t even know - a startling ability to come up with a novel’s worth of ideas in like, twenty min-” Kyungsoo cut him off with a kiss, sliding his hands into Chanyeol’s hair and settling further into his lap.

“I’m pretty sure that for a twenty percent increase, you would have had to start off much less attractive than you already are. Percent increase is based off the amount you began with,” Kyungsoo muttered breathily against his lips, teasing. He shuddered slightly at the feeling of cold hands slipping under his shirt and the elder pulling him back into the kiss.

“Oh, so you already think I’m super attractive? Does this mean I’m already almost to maximum?” Chanyeol smiled into the kiss, then proceeded to bite Kyungsoo’s lip, causing the younger to tighten his grip in his hair and rock forward slightly. They both breathed in sharply.

“Definitely not. There’s always room for improvement,” Kyungsoo gasped out when Chanyeol moved to his jaw and then his throat, sucking on the skin there. He yelped when he felt himself being lifted, and then pushed back onto the bed. Chanyeol settled between his legs, arms caging him in on either side, and a smug look on his face.

“Yeah? I bet you ten bucks I can make you take that back,” Chanyeol challenged, raising an eyebrow and grinning cockily. Kyungsoo glared at him.

“Deal.”

***

Some time and much less clothing later, Chanyeol rolled over, grinning lazily at a blissed out Kyungsoo.

“You owe me ten bucks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was mostly because I needed a break from homework and then I couldn’t seem to write anything, and whenever I can’t write, I turn to Kyungsoo apparently. I originally had no part in this, but then I sorta changed stuff so that it was Kyungsoo writing.  
> :D Oh and technically, you could say Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are my parents and I am their brainchild. Hehe.


	4. Sleepless Nights and Library Bites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically finals were coming up, and it was 3am, and I needed a break from studying. So, here’s a little backstory (once again, loosely based off my life. You’ll never guess where I was). Unbetaed, as these usually are.

He slumped forward, the cold edge of the table digging into his chest, and debated whether or not it was worth it to take a twenty minute nap. He was  _ pretty _ certain there was a couch spot available, and even if there wasn’t, he could probably knock out in the uncomfortable library chair anyway. He’d done it before; most people had by second year.

At 2 a.m, Kyungsoo hated himself, hated the essay he was working on, and hated the person behind him who kept failing to whisper, despite this being a relatively quiet floor. Sure it was “Saint Fratty’s Day Weekend” or whatever, but it was also the weekend before finals week, and who the  _ hell  _ actually had time for that bullshit? Unfortunately, their volume informed him that their entire frat had time for it (or didn’t but also didn’t care), and that Epsilon Chi Theta would be having a quite the dayger tomorrow (today).

Kyungsoo was still debating between napping and trying to power through when the decision was made for him by a shy “Hey” and the tantalizing aroma of coffee and food. He looked up, surprised by the wide eyes and shy but overly excited smile staring back at him. 

“What the fuck?”

Chanyeol seemed taken aback by that response, and opened his mouth in confusion, but all that came out was a sort of choked stutter. Kyungsoo realized that maybe hadn’t been the best response to someone bringing him coffee and food (he assumed the second cup was for him. It better fucking be for him), but he also couldn’t get past the fact that Chanyeol somehow knew that he was here, despite never having mentioned it.

“I mean. Uhm. How did you know I was here?” Kyungsoo corrected himself, hoping to maybe fix the initial asshole-ness. He didn’t really know Chanyeol all that well (they had met last quarter in a poetry course and had studied for it together sometimes) and he didn’t want him to think he was usually a jerk.

That seemed to snap Chanyeol out of it and right back to his previously cheery mood, because he grinned, said “Oh,” and proceeded to plop everything onto the table, before taking a seat himself. Kyungsoo stared at him, waiting, and Chanyeol stared back for a moment before seeming to remember that Kyungsoo was waiting for a reply.

“OH. Right. Yixing told me you were here studying and I figured you might need a late night slash early morning pick-me-up.” Chanyeol beamed, talking too loudly but clearly pleased with himself, and handed Kyungsoo one of the coffees.

“Wait, you know Yixing?” Kyungsoo whispered in confusion, having no memory of the two ever mentioning being acquainted before now. He supposed it made sense. Yixing was a music student, like Chanyeol, and they had probably had classes together before.

“Yeah, we’ve been friends since like, forever,” Chanyeol shrugged and started pulling out food. Kyungsoo eyed it, already feeling himself salivate, and decided to not question why the two had been discussing his whereabouts at 2 a.m. “Hungry?”

“A little,” Kyungsoo admitted, and thanked the stars when Chanyeol handed him a fork.

“Eat up. Oh and that’s what you usually drink, right?” Chanyeol pointed to the coffee sitting in front of Kyungsoo, and the latter picked it up, taking a tentative sip. It was.

“Yixing told you?” Kyungsoo asked, amused and a little touched that this guy had gone so far out of his way for someone he didn’t know all that well.

“Nope. You used to get that all the time last quarter when we studied,” Chanyeol replied, before shoving a mouthful of noodles in his mouth. Kyungsoo paused and stared at him for a moment before setting the coffee down carefully.

“Hey Chanyeol.”

“Mmmhm?”

“Wanna hang out sometime, and like, not study?”

“Yup.”

“...Cool”

It took Kyungsoo longer than it normally would have to get the essay done, because it was a bit hard to concentrate with an overly chatty Chanyeol next to him, but he didn’t really mind. He could sleep when he was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epsilon Chi Theta looks like this: ΕΧΘ
> 
> I suppose I could give them more backstory... cus they aren't even close to getting together yet.  
> Huh. Wonder how that'll go. Cus I have NO clue.
> 
> :D Fun.


	5. On Being a Genie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yixing, Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol eat some cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEED COOKIES. You've been warned.

Kyungsoo watched in horror and fascination as Chanyeol stuffed the entire cookie into his mouth in one go, cheeks bulging. The elder showed no remorse, a crumb stuck unashamedly to the corner of his mouth as he chewed, eyes bright and perhaps more excited than the occasion warranted.

“I can’t believe you just ate an entire one of those. You are gonna be _so_ gone,” Kyungsoo huffed, shaking his head. He picked his own _half_ of a cookie, taking a bite of it and slowly chewing. The flavor of peanut butter and weed permeated his soul, a surprisingly compelling flavor combination that seemed to somehow seep into every taste bud and overwhelm even his sense of smell. He hoped he didn’t actually smell like it as much as he felt like he did.

Chanyeol shrugged, grinning, before chugging down half his glass of milk and passing it to Yixing as the elder finished his own cookie. “Honestly Soo, you’re just puny. Yixing also ate the whole thing.”

Kyungsoo glared at the pair. “I’m not puny, you’re just a giant. Besides, I know that’s enough to have you potato. Don’t try and pretend like I haven’t _seen_ you eat a whole cookie before.”

Chanyeol threw his hands up, giggling, “Okay, fair, fair. But it’s nice, y’know? I like relaxing.”

And Kyungsoo could understand that. He had spent the last quarter getting to know this gangly giant of a human, and the only time he had really seen Chanyeol _chill_ was when he was high, or deeply concentrated on a piece of music - though even then he was often tapping away with his fingers, like his body had to channel the energy _somehow_.

It took a while to hit them, as edibles tended to, and they shifted onto Yixing’s queen sized bed (that lucky asshole) while they waited for it. It wasn’t until Chanyeol slapped his arm and giggled about an hour later that Kyungsoo realized he was high. Once he noticed, however, he suddenly couldn’t understand how he hadn’t before, or what he had even really been concentrating on prior to then. His head felt like it was floating, and he responded to Chanyeol’s giggle with his own.

“Woah. Dude, do you ever just… ever just feel like a genie?” Kyungsoo closed his eyes, swaying slightly in his place on the bed. The lower half of his body fell away, an endless void beneath him, and his top shifted gently. When he cracked open an eye, the feeling was reinforced by the bedside lamp, whose light was cut-off by the books in front of it, leaving the bottom halves of their bodies in darkness. They _looked_ like genies, and below his waist felt like one of those wispy tails.

“Yeeees,” Chanyeol sighed, lax grin splaying across his face as he tipped backwards onto the blankets. Kyungsoo felt the movement, as if Chanyeol’s impact with the bed had created ripples that gently rolled over his body. He shuddered.

“Aww, my little genies,” Yixing cooed, swaying slightly himself, but grinning. “I remember when it still felt like that for me.” He pretended to sniffle and swipe at a tear. “Ah, to be young again.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at that, but couldn’t stop his own lazy smile. “Xing, you're not old, you’re just a stoner. There’s a difference.”

Yixing flapped his arm as if this was irrelevant. Perhaps it was.

“Okay, but wait, feel this.” Kyungsoo stared at him in mild confusion as he sat up and pulled an arm back. He gasped, however, when the elder brought his arm down in a slicing motion.

He _felt_ it. It was like a zing of electricity slicing him in half (and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that was just the weed talking, but he had learned to roll with it. That was what made it _fun)_.

“Oh my _gosh_ , DO THAT AGAIN. That was _insane_ ,” he whispered, eyes wide with amazement. Yixing did it again, but this time slicing horizontally, and he felt that same sensation of electricity cutting through him. He shuddered, delighted, and smacked Chanyeol’s leg. The elder jerked upward, looking for all the world like he had just woken up.

“Huh?”

“Chanyeol, stop being potato and try this, it feels crazy.” Kyungsoo whacked his shoulder again and the elder whined but turned obediently toward Yixing, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Yixing grinned.

“Feel this?” He repeated the slicing motion, and Kyungsoo watched with fascination as Chanyeol clutched at his chest, gasping.

“Right?”

“Dude, that’s wild. Do it again.”

They  messed around for a while longer, giggling and allowing themselves to enjoy their own ridiculous imaginations, before Yixing got up and began rummaging around for snacks. This seemed to awaken the void that was Kyungsoo’s lower half, and he realized it actually also included his stomach. He could eat a cow.

After munchies were satisfied (or rather, he forced himself to stop), Kyungsoo laid down again, closing his eyes and allowing himself to just _feel_. He felt like he was floating, like his arms were wings and he weighed nothing, and for some reason, if he curled his toes, it would cause the imaginary wings to flap. He flexed and unflexed his toes, wanting to satisfy the feeling and bask in the beauty of it all. He thought maybe it was a weird thing to do, but he didn’t really care, in the moment.

He cracked an eye open when he heard a low chuckle next to him. Yixing seemed to already be out cold (or perhaps was just enjoying it like Kyungsoo was), but Chanyeol was staring at him curiously.

“I feel like I have wings controlled by my toes. I’m floating,” Kyungsoo whispered, though unsure why he was telling him at all. It didn’t seem to matter, though, in the pleasant haze he was drifting through. Chanyeol nodded, as if this made perfect sense, and shifted so they were laying side by side.

“I feel like my body is giving off waves, and I can picture them rolling off me and off into the distance,” Chanyeol murmured, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly. Somehow, once he said it, Kungsoo could picture it, and he felt like rather than floating in the air, he was perhaps floating in water, the ripples coming off from Chanyeol causing him to rock up and down gently. It felt nice.

“Dang. Thanks. They feel kinda nice. Like I’m being rocked to sleep,” Kyungsoo mumbled, feeling the beginnings of unconsciousness tugging at his mind. It was like the weed-induced haze was finally fully taking over, and he drifted into the sweet embrace of slumber.

If anything was said after that, he doesn’t remember.

 

 

Kyungsoo was a little startled to wake up the next day in Yixing’s bed, with Chanyeol’s snoring face a couple feet away. The guy was kinda cute with bedhead and a small pool of drool on the sheets beneath him. 

Kyungsoo would  _definitely_ give him shit for the drool, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. So. @HushIAmTalking has been supremely inspiring and sweet and just when they comment I have the urge to sit down and write again? I've never wanted to pocket someone and make them my friend quite so much. But anyway, they left a lovely comment on the last chapter, and then I was like WOW I WANNA WRITE, and then I did, but then... this happened? And, ahem, I'm not sure how appropriate it is to dedicate a chapter like this to someone, but uh... here you go, Dear. Hope you don't mind... recreational cannabis use. 
> 
> *is embarrassed*


	6. Donation Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo and Chanyeol go to donate blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This entire chapter is just them donating blood, so there will be mentions of blood, needles, and fainting spells (no one passes out, but its talked about). If any of that bothers you, please skip this chapter!   
> (And don't worry, this is during their married years so you aren't missing out on any early relationship development).

“Baaabe.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“But you’ve passed out before.”

“But you haven’t.”

“Okay, but I’ve never donated blood before, that doesn’t count.”

Kyungsoo sighed, resigned to the fact that he would be dealing with this for the remainder of the day.

This wasn’t new for him, as he had been donating since college (he even had the gold donor card, received for having donated as many times a year as was physically possible), and the entire process felt familiar and easy. He had certainly passed out a few times after donating (including the last time, actually), but it never bothered him, and the people helping him always reassured him that it was fine and him continuing to donate wasn’t a problem for his health or anything.

Chanyeol, on the other hand, had never donated, and Kyungsoo’s occasional post-donation fainting spell had freaked him out to no end. Kyungsoo was actually amazed he had convinced Chanyeol to donate at all, all considered. He supposed he should have expected the whining and continued worry from his giant manchild of a husband, though.

“Chanyeol Park and Kyungsoo Park?” A young woman popped her head out the door and glanced around, eyes settling on the two as they moved to rise. “Right this way please. You will be in that room, and you will be in that one. We just need to have you both answer some questions and have your blood pressure checked and such. It shouldn’t take long, and then you’ll both be able to come out here for the actual donation.”

They both nodded and moved towards their respective doors. Kyungsoo glanced up to see Chanyeol looking a bit pale, and with that deer-in-headlights look he got when he was somewhat panicked. He gave the elder’s hand a reassuring squeeze before they parted ways, and hid his smile when he saw Chanyeol relax a little at the familiar pressure. 

The questions didn’t take long, his hemoglobin levels were fine, and he was out the door again fairly quickly. He glanced around the room, realizing Chanyeol must still be in his own room, and settled into a chair on the right to wait to be set up. It was just as the nurse was inserting the needle that Chanyeol slid into the seat across from his, and he stared at the point on Kyungsoo’s arm with trepidation, but also slight fascination. Kyungsoo chuckled at the response.

“That’s… kinda cool. How it just starts flowing like that. Like… how does it know that it should go into the baggy rather than just continuing down your arm?” Chanyeol murmured, holding out his own arm to have the location of the vein swabbed clean and marked.

“Science I guess,” Kyungsoo shrugged, looking down with renewed interest at the burgundy flow into the bag at his side.

“It’s kinda… creepy. It’s like siphoning gas from a car, but you’re the car and your blood is the gas,” Chanyeol noted.

“Alright, you may want to look away for this part,” the nurse warned, and Chanyeol quickly shifted his line of sight to the ceiling, grimacing as the needle was inserted into his arm. 

Kyungsoo waited until she was done before questioning the car comment.

“So… is there something I should know? You siphon gas from cars frequently?” Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow at his husband.

“Wait, what? No! I’ve never siphoned gas! I’ve just  _ heard _ of that, and that’s what it made me think of,” Chanyeol defended. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at his volume, but was secretly grateful that Chanyeol was thinking about this rather than the blood currently seeping out of his arm.

“A-huh. Sure. I swear to god, if the cops come looking for you, I’m throwing your ass to the dogs,” Kyungsoo said dryly.

“Some husband you are,” Chanyeol shook his head, but failed to hide his grin. “What happened to ‘For or better or for worse, in sickness and in health’ and all that?”

“I most definitely did not say ‘For better or for worse,’ and this is not a case of sickness, so you’re on your own,” Kyungsoo shrugged nonchalantly, internally laughing at the betrayed expression on Chanyeol’s face.

The banter continued for a while, and it wasn’t long before they were both done, snacks in hand and arms wrapped in black self-adherent wrap. Kyungsoo bumped Chanyeol’s hip as they walked out the door together, smiling up at him.

“Hey. Neither of us passed out.”

Chanyeol looked surprised, presumably having forgotten about the possibility, but then grinned down at him, expression shifting to pleased.

“Oh yeah, huh.”


	7. Tea and Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yixing and Kyungsoo hang out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set after the library escapade and before the weed cookies one.

Kyungsoo shifted, settling more snugly against Yixing, legs draped over the elder’s body which was angled perpendicular to himself. They were lounging on the couch in Yixing’s apartment, studying for their respective classes and sipping at now lukewarm cups of tea.  
Kyungsoo glanced up at the elder, a small wave of appreciation for him swelling in his chest. Kyungsoo had moved here from Korea in high school, and the change had been difficult for him. Besides the expected struggles of moving to a new country, skinship in the U.S. wasn’t really normal between guys like it had been in Korea. There, it was as common to see guys being affectionate with their friends as it was to see girls. He had really missed that.  
Yixing, though. Yixing understood. Kyungsoo admittedly knew very little about Chinese culture, but for whatever reason, the guy was as comfortable with skinship as Kyungsoo was, and although neither of them were the most touchy-feely people, they did take comfort in little things - like lounging together on Yixing’s couch with their legs draped over each other.  
“Hey, Xing?” Kyungsoo lifted his leg to poke the elder in the side with his big toe.  
“Yeah, Soo?” Yixing looked up, his usual half-hooded, sleepy gaze settling on the younger.  
“How do you know Chanyeol?” He prodded with his toe again, this time digging in a little. Yixing swatted his foot away, and shrugged.  
“Music classes together. Did he ever end up finding you at the library?”  
“Yeah, he brought me food and coffee.”  
Yixing nodded, humming. “Yeah, the dude’s super nice. Kinda loud. The type that’s giggly when he’s high and everyone’s best friend when he’s drunk, y’know?”  
Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose at that. “Sounds obnoxious. Well, it was nice of him, though. Guess I’ll have to return the favor sometime. He seems alright.”  
“We should all hang out sometime. The dude’s also a whizz on the guitar, I think you’d enjoy jamming with him.” Yixing nodded thoughtfully. Kyungsoo just hummed appreciatively.  
“Sure, I’d be down. Lemme know when you’re both free.”  
“Aight.”


	8. Droopy Eyes and Creaky Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno. I wrote this in class. It's short as hell but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Kyungsoo blinked sleepily, barely able to keep his eyes open.

It wasn’t his fault, really. Sehun had asked him to try his hand at henna, and when it became clear that he was naturally talented at the art, everyone insisted on getting one. He hadn’t slept till 2 am, and waking up at 8 am had been _hard_.

He snorted at the thought, thinking back to high school and wondering how his younger self had done it. He distinctly remembered staying up till at least 2 or 3 am, and having to be up by 6 am at the latest the next morning, for a school day that would last until 3 pm.

He did nod off in classes back then too, though, he supposed. But now, staying up late left his body exhausted and sore and creaky, and he honestly felt like an old man. He needed sleep and actual meals to function, both of which were not only irregular and inconsistent back then, but things he would have scoffed at.

Oh god. He really was an adult now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  I mean, basically, that was me this morning, so. Welcome to the original purpose of these drabbles.


	9. Genesis

Kyungsoo was simply sitting contemplating his life, much like he always had, when he grabbed a napkin, inexplicably drawn to the idea of writing something on it. He wasn’t quite sure what, as he had never written anything other than what school required of him in his fourteen years of life, but he was determined to write _something_. Perhaps it would calm the existential crises happening in his head.

He liked it, the way the pen looked on the soft brown material. He had to hold it down a bit more carefully than he might a normal piece of paper, but it was satisfying, so he kept going.

He wrote about a boy. Not a young boy or an old boy, but a boy about his own age. Only, this boy wasn’t dealing with the horrors of freshman year of high school in a country unfamiliar to him. No, this boy was a sorcerer’s apprentice; he was learning the fundamentals of magic.

Well… well except didn’t stories always make the main character wait a while before getting to deal with cool stuff? The boy should probably have to wait, too. For now… for now he was learning little things. Not spells, but how to feel the magic within himself. He thought it was a bunch of baloney, but his master understood the importance of it.

The boy had to sit outside a lot and try to “feel” the universe. He wasn’t sure what that was supposed to feel like, and he was relatively certain that he was developing a permanent sunburn. Apparently he’d eventually be able to “feel” the energy of the sunlight and prevent it from causing the chemical reaction in his cells that resulted in a tan. The trouble was, he wasn’t even getting tan. It was a sunburn! He was roasting alive!

Kyungsoo laughed under his breath and took a mental step back from his story. He liked the boy. He wasn’t sure what sort of magic he had, exactly (he actually wasn’t sure what a sorcerer even did), and he wasn’t sure what the plot would be, but this would be his character.

Kyungsoo would write him a world to live in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this on a napkin. Also, this was the first time he ever wrote anything. His English was pretty bad, but he tried anyway, and kept trying, and now look at him.


	10. The Art of Ignoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo reminisces and Chanyeol goes unacknowledged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Soo is looking at a piece he almost wrote (a thriller), and there is literally one sentence describing what would've been included in it, and that sentence lists a few of the archive warnings. Also, there's another paragraph while he's looking at another piece that mentions abstract death. No details about any of these things, but if you're worried at all, feel free to shoot me a message (@btsmee on tumblr or leave a comment or something - however you'd like to go about it).

“Soo!”

Kyungsoo paused for a moment, then continued on flipping through the pages as if he had heard nothing. The voice still sounded like it was on the other side of the house, which meant he should still have a few minutes.

The notebook in front of him was worn and riddled with color-coded sticky note tabs and black ink—the physical manifestation of the brainstorming portion of his creative process. He both loved and hated this notebook.

“Sooooo!”

It held the beginnings of countless stories he knew he would never write, and flipping through it felt bittersweet. He stopped on a page with the word “Demons” scrawled across the top, and debated reading what he knew was pages of pain and angst. This was something he had written while still in university; those were hard years for him.

“SOO.” The voice sounded much closer this time.

Kyungsoo decided against delving into the past. Instead, he flipped forward to another page, this one covered in a web of strange squiggles that connected the seven names he had written there. The pages immediately after were the outline for a thriller he never wrote.

Death, rape, psychological manipulation and torture… this one still tempted him, sometimes.

“Kyungsoo!” The voice was right outside the door, and a fist was knocking impatiently.

He didn’t think he would ever return to that story, though. Tempting as it was, he wasn’t certain he had it in him to write something that dark, and even if he did, he wasn’t sure he wanted to bring out the side of himself that would relish in such a piece. Even just _reading_ things like that left him feeling a bit off for a few weeks; he couldn’t imagine the effects of writing it himself.

The door swung open, and Chanyeol rambled in, probably frowning. Kyungsoo wouldn’t know, though—he hadn’t looked up or reacted in any way.

“Soo.”

Then again, perhaps he should write that piece. It would be good to try a new genre.

“Kyungsoo.”

He ignored the finger poking his cheek and turned the page; he was surprised at what he found behind it, as he had forgotten about the piece completely. Kyungsoo had sat by a lagoon one day and written something abstract about an unidentified female character and seven strangers who approached her. Each person had come alone and had been searching for something—love, power, sustenance, beauty, peace, companionship, knowledge—and each person she had turned away except the person searching for peace. He never finished the story, but he was relatively certain that the peace she gave them was becoming one with the land of the realm they were in. Death in an abstract way.

The day Kyungsoo wrote that had been a weird sort of day for him. He got high off his ass not long after writing it.

“DO KYUNGSOO.”

Kyungsoo finally looked up, but only to punch Chanyeol; it was retaliation for the shove he had just received from him. Chanyeol doubled over in pain, groaning.

“Soo, why do you do this to me?” he whined. Kyungsoo shrugged, turning back to his notebook.

“What do you want?”

Chanyeol pouted for a moment before breaking out into a grin.

“That’s probably the fasted I’ve ever gotten a response from you,” he said, smirking. Kyungsoo didn’t deem that worthy of a reply; Chanyeol wasn’t surprised. “So anyway, Xing called and asked if we wanted to get dinner. Apparently he got called into town spontaneously for work, and he’ll be free in the evening.”

Kyungsoo’s head snapped up at the mention of their old friend, and he was grinning by the time Chanyeol stopped talking.

“Of course. I’ll text him-"

“Don’t worry, I already told him we were down.” Chanyeol rolled his eyes, smiling. “I knew you’d agree to it.”

Kyungsoo nodded, humming. His mood suddenly felt much lighter, and he set his notebook aside; he’d look through it again some other time. Kyungsoo rose and stretched, then dragged Chanyeol down by the collar for a kiss. He didn’t let go and Chanyeol gave in easily, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and pulling him closer.

After a few moments, Chanyeol seemed to realize something, and he broke the kiss to glare down at his husband.

“Wait a minute. I was calling you for like five minutes, and you ignored me. But as soon as I mentioned Yixing, you were all ears. What the hell?”

Kyungsoo smirked and detached himself, bopping Chanyeol on the nose in the process.

“I like him more.”

“Wha- HEY!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each piece mentioned in this is something I've actually written. This notebook actually exists. (This drabble actually got written into it). However, I am neither married to Chanyeol nor friends with Yixing (a tragedy, I know). 
> 
> :DDD


	11. Slide Into My What??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kyungsoo is a confused old man (at the ripe age of 18) and social media is baffling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realizing that that title sounds... suggestive? This chapter is actually 100% appropriate. No warnings except perhaps for second-hand embarrassment.
> 
> (Oh and we all know these are based off my life, so uh... DON'T JUDGE ME AND MY CONFUSED OLD WOMAN SELF)

He stared at the kid, perplexed.

Kyungsoo was by no means  _old_ (he was only a senior in high school, for christ’s sake), but somehow he already seemed to be losing touch with the youth and all their new social media.

What the hell was a DM? You could  _send_ pictures on instagram? Or did the kid just want him to post them? There were a lot of pictures, though…. 

Kyungsoo was panicking. Logically, he knew he should just ask the kid what a DM was and how on earth you send a photo on instagram, but his pride wouldn’t quite let him. He had the feeling he should know these things, and he wasn’t really interested in getting laughed at by a sixth grader. Besides, he had to save face. He was already more awkward than most of the science camp counselors (reflected in the quirky group he had been assigned - he loved them) and he couldn’t risk losing the respect he had worked hard to earn. 

He just… he never used social media. It was such a waste of time. Especially instagram, of all things. The only thing he used was Snapchat because it was relatively straightforward and Baekhyun had forced him too and all the screenshots he had were glorious future blackmail material anyway.

“Yeah… sure. I’ll do it when we get back to school.”

  
  
  
When they returned, Kyungsoo sat for a while, staring at his instagram (it had a total of five photos and he couldn’t even remember when he had made the thing). He fiddled for a bit, pushing buttons and trying to figure out how to navigate, before he finally just gave up and decided to go with his first guess.

He was probably doing this wrong, because the kid had asked for all the photos and he could only post one at time, but he  _really_ hoped DMing was just tagging the person in the picture. 

He chose one to post.

  
  
  
_\- 5 years later -_

 

  
  
Kyungsoo was scrolling through his (still small) instagram, when an old photo caught his eye. He smiled, fond memories of a week with a bunch of rambunctious sixth graders all coming back to him. 

“Were you allowed to post photos of your kids on insta?” Chanyeol asked, looking over his shoulder.

“I think so. I mean, they all added me and asked me to DM them the photos anyway…” Kyungsoo trailed off, eyes widening as he was hit by a sudden realization. “Oh my god. Oh my god, Chanyeol. They asked me to DM them the photos. I’m such an idiot.”

“I mean I’ve always known that but I’m impressed you managed to come to the realization on your own.”

Kyungsoo punched him (and refused to explain  _why_ he was an idiot - Chanyeol would never let him live down not knowing what a DM was senior year of school).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It hasn't actually been 5 years yet but that just means the memory of this is fresher and cringier.


	12. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo is struggling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Loooong time no see. I'll explain that briefly in the end notes.
> 
> But first, a note also before you begin: I'm posting this chapter and the next one because I wrote them and posted them on tumblr when I was going through some very very dark times, and I didn't originally want to include them on here because they didn't really fit the humorous, positive vibe. HOWEVER! I did have a reader and friend who could relate and she helped me through stuff, and now that everything is in the past, I think I wanna share these too, because this collection is about life and sometimes life isn't all sunshine and daisies, y'know? Just - know that it's kinda heavy.
> 
> P.S. Shoutout to Ali (my soulmate) for being the most supportive, wonderful wife a girl could ask for ~

When words seemed like too much yet not enough, he would delete them all and leave instead. It was too much, this heavy weight, this horrifying knowledge. For there was nothing worse than knowing that he was the cause but also the one that would suffer. He wondered how he had let this happen, time and time again. 

Self-destruction was the worst hell he could imagine, and yet it had become his daily routine. He could only still look in the mirror because he had reached a terrifying level of numb. It was the only option for the alternative was to discontinue, and he clung desperately to the hope that there was something after all this that was worth continuing on forward for. 

He hated this stage, this endless drag of academia. What were supposed to be the best years of his life had instead turned out to be a portal into a world of self-loathing and discovering basement below basement every time he thought he hit the ultimate low. 

He needed a change. He couldn’t continue on like this, mentally or academically. Something was going to snap and he could already feel the tremors of the oncoming collapse. His world would fall apart and he would watch in quiet fascination, for he had been the one to tear it down, brick by brick.

There was nothing that could be done, and yet something needed to be done. He felt trapped. He wondered when he would finally fall apart into an unfixable mess. He almost hoped he would.

At least it would be something different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See next chapter's notes for personal details :)


	13. Expensive Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo peers down a crossroads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn't as dark. Still kinda heavy though.

Kyungsoo glanced at his phone, contemplating. When the weight felt too crushing and he knew he just couldn’t, he rolled over and stared at the wall instead. Guilt tried to worm its way into his chest, but he shut down all thoughts on the topic instead.

Not today. Maybe not even this week.

He was just so tired. Exhausted. Weighed down. And it wasn’t that he wasn’t having a good time. In fact, he was having a  _ great _ time. But perhaps that was what it was. He was unaccustomed to so much activity and excitement. He wasn’t used to actually having days full of things he was interested in or cared about. He wasn’t used to enjoying life so much.

Kyungsoo missed it, his life on the internet. He missed his mutuals, he missed reading stories, he missed  _ writing _ stories. But the idea of touching any of that just felt so overwhelming right then. Somehow that felt like reality, one that came with other, harsher realities, and he didn’t think he could handle any of that at the moment. He didn’t want to.

He stared at a stain on the wall. Wondered how it got there, what it was.

Somehow, what used to draw him in and be his escape felt an awful lot like what he used to escape from. Simply typing out tags sounded draining; like it took far more thought and energy than he cared to spend. But wasn’t that backwards? His brain was excited to read for class, to learn about the culture, to practice a new language. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

Kyungsoo couldn’t figure out what it meant, but he had the vague feeling of terror that any student might feel after realizing that they may have just wasted two years of their life on something they hated.

How to keep moving forward when forward seemed to only lead toward something he dreaded or something that veered far from his current path? Both felt like an expensive mistake.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) So. I did indeed reach this point, and it was while I was studying in Korea for the summer (last chapter was before Korea, during the end of last school year). Fun fact: this resulted in me giving up two years of engineering because I hated every moment of it. Now I'm in a less impressive major, but it's still good and I love it and my life is so _so_ good. 
> 
> Y'all. Money and prestige are not everything. It was extremely difficult to allow myself to leave engineering because it felt like I was a failure, like I was giving up, like I was a pathetic excuse for a human being that was just lazy and useless and was using any excuse to get out of a hard major.  
> BULL. SHIT. It was SO hard to realize that that was bullshit. I never ever liked that major, and it was never gonna be for me, and I would've been miserable my entire life if I pursued engineering. I'm not sure I even would've made it any further through college without truly spiraling into a pit of self hatred and depression. That's the route I was on. Changing majors was one of the scariest things I've ever done (that's why it took me two years), but oh my god, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.  
> And y'know what? The rest of my life fell together after I did that. I got an internship, I now hold an officer position in robotics club (ironic, I know, but I love it), I loooove my major, I'm doing well in my classes, and I even now have a boyfriend (something I would've pushed far away if I had still been in the state I was in at the end of last school year). 
> 
> I'm extremely grateful to the wonderful individuals who helped me realize that (although it was a drastic change), it was worth it and my mental health was more important than a lucrative career path that I would hate. 
> 
> Love myself. Love yourself. Life is beautiful guys, and it's never ever too late.


End file.
